I dont have Kids

I hate writing for the sake of writing. I feel so insincere when i do it.

On an unrelated note, i have decided to start caring more. For a long time now i didn't care about anything really. Not out of a lack of motivation but a pure desire to not care about anything at all. So as a challenge to myself, I'm blogging. Asking for prayers and sharing things here that i care about and reflecting on what these things mean to me.

1. Learning new music is always fun for me. For as long as I have been playing I have wanted to play and write music with my friends. Now I have the opportunity to do so and praise God for the chance. Something i have prayed for and has been a desire of my heart for a long time. Please pray that my head stay in it for the right reasons and that I always glorify God first with this gift he has given me.

2. Settle. That word just bothers me. I feel like thats a word that people use to make them feel better about a decision they made that they dont really like. I feel like settling is something people do when they want the easy way out. I have made it my goal to never just settle. Never settle in my relationships with people, at my work, in my walk with the Lord, or in my music. She has so much going for her and is so beautiful, i just wish some how she could see that. Somehow she would realize that you dont have to live with old mistakes and bad habits, the Lord will rise you up over those things and free you from them if you ask, instead of ..settling for them. Pray for hope beyond what is possible and for freedom from old chains, for me and her.

Turning leaves over, or something like that.

Someone once said "You have no direction in your life". Another person also once said... "scooby scooby roo". My point is that people say things and they usually dont mean anything. Not that the person saying it didnt mean something but more that the words, the words carry no meaning. The words "You have no direction in your life" amounts to the same as if they would have said "Scrabby pappy ding dong".

Why. why am i quoting gibberish in my new blog? Because I can, ok? deal with it. Why so i constantly feel like a bleeding Hatchet wound? Thats an excellent question. I should probably stop trying to juggle them with my bible. Hypocritical huh? im seeing that now too unfortunately. I apologize if this is tough to follow, im feeling like these random things are coming up in my head but they all revolve around the same subject. Me. Me and my inability to produce anything of worth (at least for the last 2 years) with this suitcase of flesh i carry around. I feel like that is coming to an end now and that i am finally going to be used for something that might make a difference in someones life. I am finally able to express myself in an outlet that allows me to be totally creative and do what i want to do. It allows me to express what i have been feeling in my chest and in the pit of my stomach, allows me to express the burning in my lungs and the sweat on my head and the passion i feel when i hear the collection of vibrations and overdriven melodies....

My life is not over. I will be dammed that she will ever get the best of me. I will make sure i make a difference in this world. They will all hear me. but its not really me is it.... get ready.