So Full but So Empty

Hello friends.
I am in the midst of something revolutionary happening in me. I have come to the realization that my life, everything I have ever loved or wanted, and all the things around me have led me to one certain and nearly unattainable destiny. I have never felt a burning passionate love for anyone in my life. I have never loved enough to die for someone or to care really all that much at all as a matter of fact, save for 2 people. I am sorry for most of you as you most likely are hurt by this, but save that because I hardly believe that you can say the opposite in regards to my well being. Looking back at all the people that have ever said they loved me while being at church, consider yourself among the liars of this world. Something said at church just to make yourself feel better for being a selfish, self minded person will only get you so far before you realize that you are no different. You are a sheep and you are a meal ticket for a pastor who doesn't know your name to eat and feed his kids. There has only ever been 2 people I actually believe meant it. To the rest, it was a lie.

I can say that what I do love, I love deeply and whole heartily. I love to the point in which it hurts me sometimes. As such, my love for music is no different. I can say that, with all of me, that music will always be my one and only love. Nothing in me stirs more emotion, more conviction or more joy than that which music has given me. Perhaps I am the only person I know that feels this way. Music has never broken my heart, it has never stabbed me in the back, it has never been friends with my Ex's on facebook.

After 25 years of living and breathing and dying a little each day, I have come to see who and what I am. I don't know if I'm cut out to have a family. I don't know if I'm cut out to have kids or a wife or any of that bullshit everyone on this planet seeks. Maybe I am the only one who knows what it is like to unconditionally love, then fall to the bottom of the ocean when it turns out that they just pushed you away. I wont deny that I desire the one true love manifested in a woman. However I cannot help but feel... empty. So full but so empty.

What I am trying to say is that I was put on this earth to make music. To Love my true love everyday. And I will be Damned that I don't see it through. I have so much more to say but cant even begin to explain. So many people have meant so many things to me and they have all come to the same conclusion in my life, they have left. What kind of life is it to lead when you cannot count on the very people that brought you into it.

So full and yet so hopelessly empty.