So this was rough. Rough to talk about or think about. I guess that I need to preface what I'm talking about but I'm lazy. Sorry. I posted on facebook a week or 2 ago that I had a revelation about relationships and now I'm going to look at people differently from now on because of it.
Ill say this first. Recently I have been exposed to a lot of older couples. Not senior citizens by any means but older couples. People who have been married and have seen almost every facet of each other, good and bad. I have noticed 2 very glaring differences in these couples. They are either more in love with each other than the day they were married, or barely talk to each other. So I, because this is what i do, started wondering why they were the way they were. Now clearly I'm no marriage councilor and I have no professional training on diagnosing said differences so take this with a grain of salt. Anyways, so later I'm at home and I hear a discussion happening between my Mom and Dad. My mom is shouting (over the 7 industrial fans blowing in the house) about something on the news that we were having a discussion on the night before. My step-father is a pretty well informed man, he reads the news paper and reads a collection of other printed materials so he was already informed of the latest developments of this event. My mother, still shouting, say "Aren't you going to change the channel?!" and my step father shakes his head and keeps chopping whatever it was he was making for dinner.
So here is where all this is going. I believe there comes a point in any relationship where either one or both parties subconsciously decide "Eff it". They make a decision to just not comply anymore. Sure they still go to work, they still come home every night (well most do) and they still sit in that chair they always sit in and watch that show they always watch. Somewhere in the psyche of this person who is rebelling against their spouse is this little voice that is telling them to keep pushing, don't do what he/she tells you or has been telling you all these years. What happened before this? What happened before that little voice was even a whisper? They complied. They submitted, if that's a better word. All those little things, "Honey, grab me a water bottle" "Honey, Turn off the TV real quick" "Honey, can you do _____ for me". They just submitted all the time and now they have decided to stop submitting. They decided to do what they want to do now, regardless of what else might be going on. In my opinion, this is only a natural human response after complying to your families needs for so long. One becomes selfish minded after so long and decides to do what they want. I'm not condoning the behavior but if I'm looking at the situation in a logical mind set, the dots connect for me.
On the flip side there are people/couples who never reach this point and are happy from day 1 till the end. I don't want you to think that these people are the extremely self centered, self concerned people that I'm making them out to be. Sooner or later we all think of our own happiness and evaluate weather it is up to our happiness standard, and if it is not, we do something about it. Personally I cant go like... more than a month with out seeing a movie because its something I love doing and it makes me happy. The person I'm describing simply has chosen to make them self happy by doing what they want to do now. It is, in my experience, usually small things first. Like not changing the channel just because they want you too. Or not taking the dog out because you are watching something interesting on TV and you simply don't want to get up. It becomes a problem when spouses realize whats going on and start bickering and so on but I'm not here to give my opinion on that.
What this is all boiling down to is how I applied it to my life. I am not currently in a relationship but a keen observer of them and how people act. The realization that this may be my future (the cataclysmic change of mind set from Family to me) has got me thinking about relationships differently all together. When I think about girls I am interested, I start to evaluate weather I would make the choice one day to just stop complying with what they want because I want something different. I start to wonder if I would turn into that self centered A-hole (more so than now lol) and if we would turn into that couple sitting at the same table not talking to each other. I'm sure they didn't intend for it to be that way when they got married but lots of things turn into what you never thought it would. I have to say on the flip side, that I have more respect than I can express for the Men/Women in lifetime relationships that never get sour and always persevere through the hard times. I cant say how many times I have desired what they have. They have the person that completes them. The Person that is the Yin to their Yang, the Butter to their waffle, the Seasoning salt to their French fries... sorry, I'm starving right now. My point is that they have found their other half, and I cant help but wonder, when I find my other half, will I take it for granted 20-30 years down the road? Or will I love and cherish them for their and my entire life?
I can assure you this, it will be my never ending goal to make sure that I am never sour.
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