Humans are funny, and by funny I mean complex, layered and ultimately confusing. I had two really good talks with my roommate this weekend about how our lives are going and how we want certain things to be fixed within ourselves. Our methods differ so much in dealing with a lot of our challenges that I was having a hard time understanding his logic. I was taking his situations and applying them in my own brain and how I would deal with them. Needless to say, I was confused by a lot of his decisions and what I had to end up doing is removing myself from the equation and see it from his point of view to understand what was going on. I had to remove myself. How often do we ever consider ourselves the problem? For me, that's very seldom but that's also because I'm selfish and fickle to admit that I'm wrong. I think people like to martyr themselves and say things like that but I actually mean that I have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong unless its like something about math or whatever. Who cares about math anyway. Its really amazing to have someone to talk to who is in a similar place and bounce ideas off each other when things are going well and not so well. In terms of mental health, It always feels good to get that crap out and maybe have someone who is objective tell you when you are being a retard or when you did the right thing. I feel like the other part of this that people may not get all the time is that it needs to be a 2 way road. If you need to talk, then you need to be there to listen as well. I don't think there is such a thing as a Take only relationship and there is no way this works unless your paying the other person. In which case, tell your therapist hello for me.
This weekend was really cool, besides working both Saturday and Sunday, for a couple reasons. The Friday night draw I play in nearly every week went really well and my team ended up winning the championship for the week. I personally had a bad night playing and I was lifted up by my teammates and we overcame a very large hole to win. This was a new experience for me because I am the one lifting people up usually. All through high school and up until now I have always been the vocal leader who picks people up when they are down and plays by example, a leader and one who encourages. So when I was the one who is down, I became used to staying there with no help, but Friday night was different. I rose above the circumstance, with the help of my team, and we went on to win the evening and it was really uplifting to me to know that these people I play volleyball with 2-3 times a week are now becoming friends, not just people I know. As if that weren't enough, a group of about 10 of us when and crashed the local Denny's at like 12:30am (which I'm sure the employees there loved) and had some dinner and chatted for a while. If there was any shadow of a doubt in my mind that this is were I wanted to be at almost 1am after playing sand ball for almost 3 hours, it was eliminated in that instant. Forming relationships and making friends like that is something that I have been missing since I moved out here and I look forward to what the future holds for me.
The other really exciting thing going on is that I am scheduled to start the outlines for my Tattoo sleeve on Saturday the 14th. This is the culmination of four years of thought and prayer of if I should, and if I did, what should it be of. I considered all angles, biblical and secular, recreational and professional, personal and public and I can honestly say that I haven't wanted them more than right now. The contents that my arm will house is something that I struggled with for a long time and until I sought the advice of my siblings, was very lost on. There is one exception to that last sentence. Taylor. She was ...difficult. While being poked and prodded for ideas, being goaded into being creative and thinking of a symbol that represented her, she nearly out right refused. So I was forced to take something from a tweet of hers and hack at it until it fit the scheme of the whole thing right. Taylor, I love you, but OMG you were a pain in this process.
I was given advice from a lot of people that I shouldn't do it and that its permanent and will be on my arm forever, and I appreciate that feed back because it's absolutely right. It's there forever. And at a certain point I realized that what I want forever are my Brothers and Sisters and Jesus. And so I decided that that is what I will wear on my arms. Forever.
Peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment