The Birth and Death of a Day.

I am going to write. Instead of being mad that I had to work late tonight, I am going to write. Instead of being upset and scared that I am squinting a lot more often to see things, I am going to write. Instead of being mad at my dad and all the things that he represents in my life, and what that has done to me, I am going to write. Instead of being unable, after 26 years, to form coherent thoughts in regards to my own emotions, and having that inability drive me to lash out and take it out on other people, I am going to write. Instead of being mad at God, I am going to write. Instead of being so damn tired that I cant summon the energy necessary to walk 5 feet to my bed after working 3 straight 60 hour weeks, I am going to write. Instead of laying in bed for an hour because my head is telling me what it wants and my heart is telling me what it wants and me trying to be the mediator, I'm going to use this as the mediator. Instead of being mad that no one seems to understand me, including myself, I am going to... I don't know actually. Instead of feeling betrayed because no girl or woman in this city seems to have any sense of dignity or self worth, I am going to say step off ho'. Instead of trying to fit everyone else's schedule, I'm going to fit mine. Instead of sugarcoating things, I'm going to be honest (not that I'm not but the word abrasive has been used when describing me so take that as it is). In stead of watching Netflix and Adult Swim all the time, I am going to write. Instead of thinking about being on that stage, I am going to get on that stage. Instead of dreaming about the ink on my arm, I'm going to get it. Instead of only living the life I want in my head, I'm going to live the life I want. And I could give a damn what you think anymore. This is what it is to be alone. I am it. No one is going to do it for me.